it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
