She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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