when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
