He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
