I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i want to swaddle you in tequila
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Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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