you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
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So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
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Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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