Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
