we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
