ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
