Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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