Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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