dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
