Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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