you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?