Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah