Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?