Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.