go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone