have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
