I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
