we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
