I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
