You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
