She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize