barbara walters just said penis...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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