Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
