Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
