just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
