did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
