come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
