I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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