he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
