my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
