just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
