Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
