I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
