the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
