so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
