He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
