I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
