Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
bring money and cleavage
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
