Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
