All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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