are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I love black thongs
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
