I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
