she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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