She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
