As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dick very happy bro
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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