we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
