Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
