I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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