I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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