Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
