i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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