this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
