Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
