Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
