I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
