New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
