We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
