Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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