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You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
