Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
