Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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