I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize