end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We are two peas in an std pod
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
