But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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