I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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