It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
