Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
